TUTOR: Right,Sandra.You wanted to see me to getsome feedback on your group's proposal.The oneyou're submitting for the Geography Society field tripcompetition.I've had a look through your proposaland I think it's a really good choice.In fact,I only havea few things to say about it,but even in an outlinedocument like this you really have to be careful toavoid typos and problems with layout in theproposal,and even in the contents pags.So read itthrough carefully before submitting it,okay?
SANDRA: Will do.
TUTOR: And I've made a few notes on the proposal about things which could have beenbetter sequenced.
SANDRA: Okay.
TUTOR: As for the writing itself,I've annotated the proposal as and where I thought it couldbe improved.Generally speaking,I feel you've often used complex structures and longsentences for the sake of it and as a consequence...although your paragraphing and inclusionof sub-headings help...it's quite hard to follow your train of thought at times.So cut them downa bit,can you?
SANDRA: Really?
TUTOR: Yes.And don't forget simple formatting like numbering.
SANDRA: Didn't I use page numbers?
TUTOR: I didn't mean that.Look,you've remembered to include headers and footers,which isgood,but listing ideas clearly is important.Number them or use bullet points,which is evenclearer.Then you'll focus the reader on your main points.I thought your suggestion to go to theNavajo Tribal Park was a very good idea.
SANDRA: I've always wanted to go there.My father was a great fan of cowboy films and theWild West so I was subjected to seeing all the epics,many of which were shot there.As aconsequence,it feels very familiar to me and it's awesome both geographically and visually,soit's somewhere I've always wantes to visit.The subsequent research I didi and the onlinephotographs made me even keener.