2014年1月SAT考场作文点评(11分)
1月的SAT考场作文中规中矩，还是没有脱离平时授课中重点讲解的传统分类。创新类的题目对于系统地、认真地进行SAT作文备考的学生来说，绝对属于小case。但是这样的作文，好写也不好写，因为对于这样的传统作文而言，虽然整体难度不大，但是要想分数高，要么思路上有创新，要么内容上有惊喜。不然，非常容易沦为一般，步入8-9分作文之列。今天分析一篇某同学的考场作文，她在本次SAT作文中喜获11分，成功地写出了传统作文的不传统味道。
The world is getting better and better due to many advanced techniques, such as Internet, cars and cell phones. People are having a more fabulous life than before. The world needs new and creative ideas to move forward.
开头是很多同学头疼的一部分，在审题之后，如何快速动笔却成了障碍。几番思考之后，反倒耽误了时间，误了先机。这位同学的作文简明扼要，还是采用了我们常用的“社会现象+观点”式的开头结构，清晰、独立地表达了观点。由此可见，开头不必过分纠结，简明扼要即可，满足阅卷老师最重要的阅读要求和采分点，考试的前几分钟，最重要的就是要想清楚、快动笔，为后面的Body部分铺垫好基础，打好前站。
Moving to a forward state can help people know more and therefore developed themselves and the world. One of the greatest experimental physicists in 20th century, Ernest Rutherford’s diffraction experiment led to his final success. Inspired by the “Big Universe and Small Universe”, Rutherford thought that atom was just like Sun with a center inside. Given that the structure of atom had been proved many centuries ago, people regarded him as an insane and ridiculous young man. Facing these critics and supported by his friend, Rutherford finally came up with the new atomic model, which is that every atom has a nucleus with almost all mess and energy. The bigness “gold foil” experiment proved his idea and made him the first person to change the element. If Rutherford just hold the old conception that atom is a solid with anything in it, we won’t see the micro-world today and maybe there’s no nucleus physics.
Body段落的写作是SAT作文最重要的一部分，也是最能够体现考生对于题目的理解、表述的切题性以及细节掌握程度的一部分。题目的关键词是“hold”和“move forward”，这位同学的Body段落通过对于物理学家Ernest Rutherford不囿于旧理论，勇敢提出新见解的事例，切题地、详实地展现了细节，很扣题地回应了人们应该“move forward”，而不是禁锢于已有的旧思想。Body段落采用了“Topic Sentence+Example+Reasoing”的结构，充实地展现了对于题目的思考。段首句Topic Sentence“Moving to a forward state can help people know more and therefore developed themselves and the world.”概括地提出了本段主旨，也回应了观点中支持部分的理由，即向前进步能够帮助人们了解更多，因此促进人们和社会的发展。
虽然乍一看，这样的观点有些空泛，但是例子确实是从这个角度回应，而且没有写跑偏的细节，做到这一点就难能可贵。很多考生在举例子的时候，过于拘泥于背过的例子，在考场时间压力下，不愿意或者不知道如何调整细节、回应题目，最终有些文不对题。这位同学的例子中，铺垫了Rutherford之前旧理论的局限性，Rutherford自己的思考，以及主人公勇往直前、不畏惧压力的精神，最终实现了微观物理的进步。例子结尾采用虚拟语气的方法，强化了例子要表现的主题。
Once people find something that is new, they shouldn’t stay where they stand. They need to discover the new world. When someone has the ability to change the concept or the idea, he/she should do it. The more we see, the more we can learn and thus we can make our planet more beautiful and advanced. Because of the discovery of the nucleus, many problems can be solved easily. People should move forward to find more new things.
对于很多同学而言，例子中的人物或事件写完，Body的任务就完成了。这位同学并没有急匆匆地写一段，而是拓展分析，结合例子展开了对于主题观点的论述。这也是Body段落精彩的地方，我想也是阅卷老师比较认可的地方，critical thinking的展现，不仅是通过例子的细节，如果能够呈现自己对于问题的客观思考，妙哉!这短短几行，这位同学论述了进步思想的重要性，上升到社会和人类层面进行讨论，也拔高了议论的层面，不妨供同学们在作文练习中借鉴。
Sometimes old ideas may not be right because of many reasons like techniques. So finding a new idea is important for all human beings. Once those old ideas are disproved, people can move forward to a new state. Owner of Nobel physics prize, Niels Henrik David Bohr put the world of physics to a new peak. At the beginning of 1913, Bohr found that there were many problem when people tried to explain the “micro phenomenon” using the classic theory. His idea obviously went against Newton’s classic theory thus everyone laughed at him and few stood on his side. Believed in himself, Bohr used two months to do the experiment and proposed a new theory called Bohr theory. His theory is a sensation to a physics world which combined Plank’s quotation theory and Rutherford’s automatic world. Unlike Newton’s classic theory, Bohr theory could explain the discontinuity of quantum and rank a new periodic table.
第二个Body段落写作，这位同学如法炮制，对于素材的熟练掌握，让她对于细节顺手拈来。为了呈现论证的不同角度，段首的Topic Sentence则提出了一个新的分论点“Sometimes old ideas may not be right because of many reasons like techniques. So finding a new idea is important for all human beings. Once those old ideas are disproved, people can move forward to a new state.”虽然表述上有瑕疵，但是阅卷老师当然接受严格限时下的不完美，记住，评卷人最终关注的是文章的整体感。在这个例子中，这位同学虽然还是采用了物理学界创新的例子，但是她巧妙地结合了第一个例子，着重写了Bohr拒绝接受Newton理论的不完美，在Plank和Rutherford的理论基础上，如何提出波尔原子论的过程。整个段落细节充实，紧密围绕“new”推翻“old”的过程，生动地展示了虽然在同代人嘲讽之下，玻尔依旧坚定地move forward。
Bohr challenged the Newton and he won. Although the old idea which promoted by Newton is classic and authority, there were still people who had new ideas. They disagreed with the past and they wanted to move forward. The whole society. Society should admire those people. They made the world a better place. The creativeness of them can develop many things. Human beings are now lived in a world that everything goes fast and so do people’s mind. This whole world needs some fresh air. Some new ideas and it needs to move forward.
段落末的论述依然精彩，即使没有使用各种华丽辞藻，但是平时的表述依然征服了阅卷老师，让他们相信这个考生具备自己独立的思考。这位同学在这里的论述中进一步加深了观点的讨论，提出无论旧的观点多么经典、权威，人们都应该敢于发展、创新，这样人类的思想和社会的进步才能够日新月异。这一段的议论和第二段中的议论同属同一线索，达到了异曲同工之妙。
Stick in the past is not a good way to solve the problems. Once people find new things, they should study and develop their new things make a new life. People should not stay at the original, the beautiful and bright future is now waving to them. Thus, people should move forward.
结尾经常是同学们感到时间最受限的一部分，有的同学甚至没有时间写结尾了。这位同学的结尾段落并没有给人虎头蛇尾之感，她否定了“stick in the past”，再次重申自己的观点，升华了文章的主题，提出“拒绝原地不动，研究和发展新的事物，才会有更美好和光明的未来”。首尾呼应，游刃有余，整篇文章达到了阅卷老师对于高分的期望。
值得一提的是，这位同学得高分并非偶然。在平日的练习中，这位同学和老师不仅系统整理了自己的素材，进行了分类和分方面归类，这位同学课下的练习也十分刻苦，对于手头的例子非常熟悉。这样才能够实现考场上的冷静沉着。当然，此篇文章要想达到12分，还要注意文章语言表达方面的处理，还是存在一些语法错误和不地道的表达，对于词汇和句式的应用还可以更加灵活、成熟。希望同学们可以借鉴参考，加以针对性练习，作文定可同样优秀!