考生由于对
1、Original: Bill Gates gives a definite answer that college education does count.
Revised: Bill Gates gave a definitive answer: college education does count.
Definite意思是“明确的”、“一定的”，指意思明确，不会误解;definitive也是“明确”的意思，但往往指“权威性、最后决定的”。此话出自比尔·盖茨之口，体现权威性，故将definite改为definitive。
2、Original: …people may attend a university or college for various reasons...
Revised: …people attend university or college for a multitude of reasons...
此处将various改为短语a multitude of更为正式，体现人们读大学的原因很多。
3、Original: The kinds of education that we got on school are formal and intense ones...
Revised: The kinds of education that we receive at school is formal and of tentimes very intense.
不必用kinds of education，直接用education(教育)即可;“受教育”不同get，改为receive;“在学校”不必用at school;把one去掉，用oftentimes very intense指出学校教育常常是非常严格的。
4、Original: They can foster their interests in some fields to make life more colorful and meaningful.
Revised: They can even pick up hobbies to make life more colorful and enjoyable.
Foster their interests是“培养兴趣”，此处用pick uphobbies(开始各种各样的兴趣)更为合适;不同的兴趣是我们生活的调味剂，使我们的生活多姿多彩，乐趣无穷，把meaningful换成enjoyable，与colorful搭配更合适。
5、Original: Needless to say, more employment means more income andless idle life, so that people can enjoy a better life and makeinvestment in their future.
Revised: Needless to say, more employment means income and less idletime, so that people can enjoy a better life and invest in their ownfutures.
把idle life改为idle time更为合适，表示“闲散时间”;makeinvestment可改为动词invest，与and前的动词enjoy词性一致;人们各自有自己的未来，故将in theirfuture改为in their own futures。
6、Original: Another important factor that contributes to the extension of life expectancy is the development of medical science.
Revised: Another imortant factor that contributes to the rise in life expectancy is the development of medical science.
“人的寿命的延长”可以表示为life extension，但是如果用life expectancy，则要用the increast of 或the rise in life expectancy。
7、Original: the growth of life span.
Revised: the rise in/increase of life span.
Life span意思是“寿命”，growth指“生长，增长”，“寿命的延长”用growth不合适，life span“寿命的延长”可以用rise in/increase of/extension of.
8、Original: energy saving
Revised: energy efficiency
Energy saving一般作定语，此处名词短语“节能”最好用energy efficiency。
9、Original: with the increasing complicatedness of the job profile
Revised: with the increasing complexity of the modern jor profile
Complicatedness意思是“错综复杂”，但是这种错综复杂是有逻辑的;complexity也是“复杂”的意思，但这种复杂是杂乱无辜的，现代的工作情况用complexity较为合适。
10、Original: Such experience will difinitely be helpful in children's later life.
Revised: Such experience will benefit them later in life.
Helpful是“提供帮助”的意思，而benefit是“使…受益”。这里作者想说的是孩子将来的人生会受益于这样的经历，用benefit合适，因为这样的经历不一定能对孩子将来的人生提供什么具体的帮助。
11、Original: In my submission, people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.
Revised: Because of these circumstances, I believe it is inevitable that people must do what they don't enjoy doing.
In one's submission虽然也可以表示某人所持的观点，但是这是一种非常formal(正式)的表述，用在这里和整体文章的风格不太相符。
12、 Original: For no one can promise what will happen in the future,if you don't save some money, an emergency will probably make you a caton a hot brick.
Revised: Because no one can predict the future, if you don't save money an unforeseen emergency can be financially crippling.
Promise的意思是“承诺、允诺”，用在这里不合适，作者要说的是没有人能与之未来发生的事，应该用predit。还有，作者在这里用了一个惯用语a caton a hot brick，这又有一个错误。第一，这个表述本身有错误，正确的应该是like a cat on hotbricks。第二，这个惯用语的意思是“忐忑不安，如热锅上的蚂蚁“，用在这里意思也不太合适。