雅思写作4分范文和9分范文区别分析!雅思写作考试成绩总分为9分,很多考生感觉自己答的还可以但是不知道为什么没有得高分,下面
雅思写作4分范文实例分析
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?
According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.
Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.
Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.
In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.
4分的原因:
首先,该同学在语法上的缺陷是致命的,多数句子都不符合英语句子结构的要求,如:These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了,后面再出现will happen就是错误的,要知道后一个动词需要采取去动词性质处理:This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦,完全可以改成:This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.
另外一句: Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法理解了, is, display, have 及accept 统统是动词形态在句子中出现,但又没有从句将这些动词分开,最终连成功解密过无数学生天书的我也不能理解他究竟想讲什么了。
非常不幸的是在中国庞大的考鸭军团中,有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语句子与这位考生写的同样晦涩难懂。如果你的英语句子也存在这样的基本语法错误的话,我的建议是赶紧花上3-4天的时间解决这个问题,然后再move on到雅思写作上。
写作建议NO.1:Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J
按照英文的语法句式写英文句子。
其次,这篇文章的论证逻辑混乱:第二段他想表达的是招同样数量的男女生的好处,第三段要写专业的不同会导致招收同样数量的男女生是不现实的,最后收尾段写道:最终我同意应该招收同样数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来,最后一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—如果专业有较强的性别取向性,那么该topic不成立;如果专业对于两性来说同样的,那么一半对一半的搭配是值得推荐的。
写作建议NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.
你的结论来自你的文章内容,而不是你脑子中凭空构思出的。
雅思写作9分范文实例分析
Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the ‘real world’ when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination. ( 58words )
点评:
1+ 1 ’ 模式,最后 1 句为主题句。此段的主题句稍微有点特殊,它的确否定了前面所提到的观点,从而表达出了自己的观点,此外还引出了下文。
特别是最后半句:but in fact require closer examination ,感觉是在抛砖引玉。
The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching moneywhen times get tough in adulthood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education. (100words)
点评:
1 ’ +3 模式,第 1 句是主题句。请注意,从此段的内容来看,这是个让步段(即分析自己并不赞成的观点)。虽然 4 段论的作文的主体段是两面讨论,但是小编还是喜欢这样的写作,即主体段的观点还是有侧重的,把让步段放在前面,最后 1 句话引出下一段,这样过度地很自然,而且自己的观点也比较明确!
The basis of this argument is , of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education. (101words)
点评:
这段的内容感觉写得不够直接,还是在分析对方观点的漏洞!请注意,前面让步段已经这么写过了,那么这一段最好是正面地论证自己的观点,这样从内容上来说更 convincing 一点!
此外,需要说明的是,大家发现作者的内容还是有一定深度,但是这是要有一定的英语功底才行的!如果英语功底不行的话,建议内容不要写太深,因为那样容易造成考官看不懂你在说什么!
A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education.
点评:
最后一段有点像是提出解决这个问题的办法,即 education。它没有像传统的结尾段那样简单的重申自己的观点。
最后总结:
全文的观点有待揣摩,作者很明显是不赞成题目的说法,即 Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents。但是作者自己是更偏向穷人家的孩子呢,还是富人家的孩子呢?根据文章来看,作者是中立,他所看重的是他们所接受的教育。
以上为雅思写作4分范文和9分范文区别分析,考生在备考中可以多参考雅思写作9分范文,学习其中的亮点及高分句型等。