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gre作文原稿(第三段)
The nonmainstream areas can do harm to[1] the society, only when people don't inquire them merely for fun, but for resolution[2] of life instead. It is ignorance because no one in the world could point out way for others, neither does the God[3]. Only those people with confidence have the possibility to successfully solve problems.
语言修改
Nonmainstream areas can harm society when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. This is done from ignorance, since nobody, not even God, can provide any answers. Only people with confidence can successfully solve their problems.
gre作文内容点评及修改
这是习作的第三段，作者进一步提出如果是为了好玩而相信迷信的东西是没有关系的。假设你是用迷信的东西来解决生活问题就会出问题。因为这个世界上没有人能够为其他的人指明道路，上帝也不行。他所说的最后这句话有点过于绝对，很多人是可以为他人指明道路，他们的职业就是这样的，比方说辅导员、老师。
这段与前一段的问题一样，只阐明了观点，但是没有提出任何的例证来支持观点。只说论点，不讲证据是中国学生的普遍问题。另外，在英语国家里，上帝是主流的而不是“非主流的”。在内容上又有点偏题。文章的题目是主流与非主流，可以定义为科学与迷信，但是宗教并不是迷信。宗教在西方社会是居于主流地位的。这一段的措辞有点像是讨论科学与宗教的关系，这是不恰当的。不过，这篇习作有一个突出的优点就是每一段的开头句都有topic sentence开宗明义。
如果想要使这段的论述更加充实，不妨添加下面这些例子。如一个人如果得病的话应该去找医生而不是去找算命的。星象学家也许会相信星座的移动造成了流行性感冒，但是真正治疗感冒症状的可能是阿司匹林。另外，不能只提出只有那些具备信心和解决问题能力的人才能克服困难，要用例子支持一下，可以举出如果因为星座专栏说你在找工作方面有非常好的运气，你就对一次找工作的面试掉以轻心，那就可能会把好机会糟蹋了。这就是对“只有那些有信心的人、有自信的人才能解决问题”的说明。
gre作文修改范例
Nonmainstream areas can be harmful when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. A person who becomes ill should seek help from a health care professional but should not resort to consulting a fortune-teller. Astrologers may believe that the rotation of planets accounts for influenza, yet aspirin is definitely more effective in treating its symptoms. As for individuals, only people with confidence and problem-solving skills can surmount difficulties. If you treat an important interview lightly just because the astrology column says that you have fabulous luck in job-hunting, you may ruin a great opportunity.
gre作文原稿(第四段)
And[4] the mainstream science plays the very vital role to provide people with reasonable methods[5]. These science are based on practical experiments, carefully analize and reasoning[6]. They may not seem as good as those nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.
语言修改
On the other hand, science plays the very vital role of providing people with reasoned[7] methods to conduct life. Science is based on practical experiments, careful analysis, and reasoning. They may not seem as miraculous as nonmainstream areas in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.
gre作文内容点评及修改
这一段大问题跟前面类似，只是提出了主流的科学给人们提供合理的方法。这些科学是基于实验，仔细的分析和逻辑的方法的。它们看上去不如非主流的追求那样满足人们的追求，但是却能给人提供真正的帮助。这是作者的观点，但是没有具体说明科学是如何给人们提供合理的方法，缺乏真正能够支持论点的实例。下面的修改范例在内容上对原稿进行了补充。不仅提出科学不像那些迷信那样能够给人们提供奇迹的、不可思议的方法，但是在科学朴实的外表之下它能够给人们带来真正的帮助，并例举了
具体的科学门类所给人们提供的帮助。
gre作文修改范例
On the other hand, the history of mankind has amply demonstrated that, science based on experiments and analysis, provide people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Psychology explains human behavior. Sociology enlightens people on their relationship with their surrounding environment. Modern medicine has advanced so much that it is now possible to predict cancer even before a child is born.
gre作文原稿(第五段)
Generally speaking, the so-called[8] nonmainstream areas color our life to a great extent, but we should believe in[9] the mainstream science when we want to resolve problems[10].
gre作文语言修改
Mainstream areas color our lives to a great extent, but we should put our trust in mainstream science when we want to solve real problems.
习作总评
这篇习作所犯的错误非常有代表性，提出的观点几乎完全没有例证。这是中国学生最大的通病。许多学生似乎觉得如果观点是公认的，就不需要例证了。但是现在是在考写作能力，其中最重要的一条就是能否用恰当地例证支持观点。至于观点是否新颖还是其次的考量。
第二个错误，也是非常普遍的错误就是没有表现出对问题的复杂性的理解。有老师把这一点说成是“表达复杂思想的能力”。这样说不准确。
[1] “Do harm to”改为“harm”，因为这样说更直接。英语里有 “does more harm than good”, “did little harm”这样的表达法，但是“对…有害”应该直接用 “harm”, 或者be harmful to, be detrimental to.
[2] “resolution” 是“决心”的意思，如New Year resolution. 此外还有“决议”的意思，如：a resolution of the dispute.“解决问题”中的“解决”要用“solve” 或者“solution”。
[3] “the God”改为“God ”或是“the Gods”。
[4]表示转折的词中and是很少用的。这一段和上一段的关系是转折，应该用but。
[5]原稿中只提到了methods，而没有说是干什么的方法。改后稿改为methods to conduct life，具体说明了处理生活的方法。
[6]第二句犯了parallelism的错误，不能够真正的平行。practical experiments是个名词, carefully analize 是副词加动词，而reasoning是动名词。“科学看上去不如非主流的追求那样满足人们的追求。”这句话在内容上也是有问题的。
[7] reasoned表示“合乎逻辑的”，reasonable表示“较为合理的”不一定是合乎逻辑的。reasonable还表示“费用不高的”。
[8] 用法错误：“So-called”暗示所提及的内容不是真正意义上的非主流，只是这样叫罢了。
[9] believe in: 信仰, trust, put trust in: 信任。
[10] resolve conflict解决冲突，解决问题直接用solve problems就可以了。real problem表示现实当中的问题。
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