独立写作
例一：
Topic:
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Topic Notes
This topic, in effect, equates independence with living apart from one's family. Both broader and narrower definitions of independence and “non-independence” are acceptable as possible responses to the given topic, even though a majority of writers will write to the dichotomy presented by the prompt. Some writers take a general overview and their choices and examples are general and “philosophical.” Others use specific personal examples or personal narratives in their approach to the topic. Some writers lake a specific side of the issue, and others approach the topic b\ discussing conditions under which it is better to move away and conditions under which a young adult might do better to stay longer with the family. All these approaches arc valid, on-topic responses and are judged by the raters on their merits according to the scoring guidelines for this task type.
Score 5 Essay—Sample 1
Every young adults will grow and live apart from their parents to form their own families.
The ages for those young adults to be independent depends on each person. Some people may have to live longer with their parents and some others may not. This essay will discuss the issue of independent life and living with their families for a longer time.
Most young adults prefer to have a seperate or independent life from their parents or families as soon as possible. This is because they have a strong urge for freedom in doing what they desire. But in fact many of them fail. This should not be surprising since often they are actually not ready mentally although they are physically ready. It is widely understood that to live independently requires a lot of energy and Js not easy at all. In this twenty first century, people may need more and more preparation because competition is increasing rapidly. An observation shows that many University graduated students are unemployed. The refore, they will not be able to support and fulfill their necessities.
So living independently at an early age is not suitable for all young adults, some young adults may need to take more time to prepare themselves before going out to struggle. Young adults need to be ready to support themselves. Taking time to get more education and living with their families for a longer time may lead them to a better independent life because they will be well prepared for the hard-life outside. Still, living with their families for *too* long will not be a good idea because they could get to used to it and tend to be less independent.
The time to live independently depends on the person himself. He or she must decide whether they are ready to leave their parents to have an independent life or not. The decision will vary from one person to another. A person should judge that he is capable of fulfilling his needs without being dependent on his parents; this indicates that he is ready for his independent life. Otherwise he might need to stay longer with his parents.
Rater's Comments
This well-developed essay meets all the criteria for earning a score of 5. The writer develops the topic through a detailed discussion of independence and of the suitability of living independently. The essay is unified and coherent. Sentence structure is varied, especially in paragraphs 2 and 3. The writer does not use high-level vocabulary, but word choice is correct throughout. There are minor errors (“University graduated students,” “fulfill their necessities”), but these in no way interrupt the flow or meaning of the essay.
Score 5 Essay—Sample 2
Independence! Who doesn't want independece? But the bigger question is how much of an independence is being discussed here? Generally, when teenagers grow up, their needs and habit of living change. Some would like their parents to be in control of the major decisions of their lives, while on the other hand, some would not like their parents to be involved in any sort of decision making process of their lives. In my opinion, the young adults should always consult their parents as their guides. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.
Let's assume a teenager grows up into a young adult. Now a major decision that he/she might have had to make was to what college/university they were going to attend. If we assume that the person seek complete independence from the early age, then they are generally going to make the decision themselves. But even if they made this desicion by themself, what is the probability that this is the best desicion. We all would agree that the best lesson learned is from a mistake, but why even let that happen? This is the most important decision they would have to make so far, and if they don't ask around, if they don't look at the wider picture, how are they supposed to end up at their very best opportunity? This is what is known as a making/breaking point because this decision of theirs can make or break a very powerful potential future.
Now, suppose they passed the first make/break point. Then comes another one when they are going to marry. Normally, in the western culture, the man and the woman choose their marriage partners themselves, so this is not much of an important issue here. But, what about the cultures that predominantly have arranged marriages? In that case, choosing a husband or a wife could be a huge decision, because generally the marriages are not as easily broken as in the western culture. So, when it comes to this point, one would definately want to know their parents thinking and their previous experiance. This could come in very handy when one has a choice to make.
To sum it up, it is very good idea to ask for parents guides, and is never a bad a idea to give up a part of independence for a better future.
Rater's Comments
This essay has a rather informal, conversational tone and an “argument” that is coherently an (fully developed. Sentence structure is varied throughout, and the writer consistently demonstrate~ command of language and English idioms, especially by using various informal expression~ (“Let's assume,” “we would all agree,” “can make or beak” “come in very handy”). The essay meets all the criteria for a score of 5.
Score 4 Essay—Sample 1
There are different opinion regarding how long young adults should live with their parents. Some argues that the sooner a young adults become independence is the better while other think that it will be beneficial if they can live with their parents longer. In my opinion both have positive and negative sides. This essay will provide arguments for each case.
Some young adults favor for leaving their parents soon. They want to live free, independence from their parents' supervision. The good thing about being independence as soon as possible is that they can learn how to live by themselves. They must think how to support their living, otherwise they will still need the help of their parents and can not be independence. Living in their own will teach them how to be tough in facing real difficulties. But, staying away from parents soon could also lead to negative behaviour if the young adults can not control themselves. They might think that they can do whatever they want with the friends they like. If their friends give bad influence on them, no one will warn them and they can have problems. Thus, I will agree for young adults to become independence as soon as possible if they are already mature enough and able to control themselves.
Parents can help to judge this before they release them.
In the case of young adult is not mature enough, I believe that staying with parents will be better. Parents can provide guidance and help when their children need it. But, if the children is become too dependent on their parents, they will have difficulties in their older lives of becoming independece as the parents will not be available for them anymore. So parents in some way should teach their children about independence, for example by giving them responsibilities that should be handled without supervision. Based on those arguments, I would like to say that either way could be better that the other depending on the maturity of young adults themselves. If they are mature and have selfcontrol then living independently is better, otherwise they better stay with their parents until ready.
Rater's Comments
The points made in this essay are thoroughly developed and concretely supported. The essay is well organized and coherent, with a nice flow. What keeps the response from scoring a 5 is the number of noticeable errors in structure and word choice: “Some argues,” “favor for leaving,” “living in their own,” “become independence,” “if the children is become too dependent” None of these errors interferes with meaning, but their quantity and effect earns the essay a score of 4.
Score 4 Essay—Sample 2
Independence from the family at early stages of life is a common phenomena exists in our society, moving out from the family house to live on your own in early ages of your adult life has an advantages and disadvantages. However, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Independency is generally good and helpful for the individual, because it teaches individuals how to take care of different responsibilities, and how to handle things by yourself, people needs to know how to live independently of others, because eventually they will have to. So, the desire to get your independence from your family when you are young adult is good because it shows the some kind of individual maturity for being aware of the ultimate situation, when you have to move out and live on your own.
On the other hand, adults should consider moving out when they are sure that they are ready for it. Being ready includes being financially, physically, and psychologically ready. One major advantage for staying with your parents is financially advantage. Because one gets to save money between the residency and daily living issues.
Nowadays, life has become harder for the new generations to live and keep up with. And in order to do that, individualls needs to be fully equiped in terms of education, support, and maturity. And by staying with the family, one would not have to worry about a lot of issues, instead, one will concerntrate more on getting equiped for the next step in his life, which is moving out and getting independent of others.
In conclusion, although moving out when you are still a young adult to live independently from the family has some good point, the disadvantages of it overcome these good points.
Rater's Comments
This essay is clearly organized and unified, though it does remain on a fairly abstract level. It is also generally well developed. Sentence structure is varied, but there are noticeable errors in syntax and expression (“is financially advantage;” “has an advantages” “Because one gets to save money between the residency and daily living issues.” “getting independent of others”). These errors earn this essay a score of 4.
Score 3 Essay——Sample 1
Right now adults have different points of view about live. Independent from their parents as soon as possible or continue to live with their parents. Live with your parents have many differents advantage. First, some people don’t want to have responsabilities, they want their parents still take the desicion. For example, house's responsabilities or pays. Secound, When peoples live with their parents they don’t expend a lot money for house or food. Third, they belief that their family is a great company. But in the other hand, when people live along have important advantage. For example, They live independient, they don’t have limitation in their own house. They don’t need to negotiate with other persons or family.
Morover, they have a great oportunity to learn about how administarte a house, and what is the real value of the money. They can understand everything about responsability in their house. Finally they have more freedom.
Both live independient and live with your parents have many different disadvantage. On the first points of view, live independient, the most important problem is money and expensive. For example, right now young adults need to find a good job for live in a good place because rents are expensive. It is the same with food and services. They need to have aexcellent imcome to live in good conditions. Also, they need to work in the house along because don’t have company. They need to clean, do the laundry, buy the food, and cook along. Although people think live independient have a huge sacrifices, also live with their parents it is difficult and have a lot of disadvantage. For example, when people live with their parents have many different limitation with activities in the house, every time need to negociate with your family in addition.
Rater's Comments
This essay is somewhat developed and is longer than the average essay with a score of 3. It has a coherent organization based on describing the pros and cons of living apart from one's parents and living with them, with supporting points. In some cases, however, this approach leads to redundancy, especially toward the end of the essay. Additionally, even discounting typographical mistakes, the various errors clearly reveal weakness in command of language (“Live with your parents have many differents advantage,” “the most important problem is... expensive”). Meaning is also sometimes obscured (“house's resonsabilities or pays,” “They need to work in the house along because don’t have company”).
Score 3 Essay——Sample 2
Young adults show different patterns of behavior when they have to decide whether continuing to live with their family or not. For instance, in United States young adults prefer to live separated from they parents as soon as possible. This tendency reflects wises of freedom and independence. Altough these behavior has remarkable advantages and disadvantage, the advantage can overwhelm the negative effects.
It is important to recognize that by living separated from parents or family can be more risked than living with them. Many young adults are victims of group pressure and gangs because of theirs parents absence.
However, a significant advantage of living by oneself is that people develop leadership skills. Individuals that live by themselves learn to do and sustain their own decisions. On the contrary, people who live with their parents are more shy and less confident. For instance, many of the greatest world leaders are or have been people that were separated from their parents when they were kids.
Another advantage of living indepently is that people can fully develop their creative potential. When people is forced to difficult situations, they can surprise us with outstanding abilities and values that otherwise remained hidden. A good example are blind people, these person show a remarkable ability for art and music. In a similar way, when parents are absent or too away for help, individuals manage to survive and be successful.
Rater's Comments
Though slightly stronger than the average essay with a score of 3, this essay fails to earn ascore of 4 mainly because of errors that obscure meaning (“reflects wises of freedom and independence”). Also, connections among ideas are not always completely clear, For example, the details used to support the points made in paragraphs 3 and 4 are concrete but not well connected to each other or to the generalizations made by the writer.