托福写作优秀案例两则之详细分析

2022-05-28 13:07:22

  下面就是今天

  笑来的答复:

  熊猫是有保护区的,而你课上说没有,我们的四川省有卧龙保护区。

  我在课上肯定没有说过“熊猫没有保护区”的。那些话我讲了几百遍,我不可能记错。

  其实我觉得正常人的逻辑应该是这样的...

  呵呵,措辞要小心。

  所以你的观点基本上是错的...

  说实话,你好象基本没有认真听课。我在讲课的时候,讲完整篇文章之后,特意提到“其实你并不知道我是不是真的讨厌熊猫”。

  我这么说的用意,并不在于“否认”我讨厌熊猫。

  我的意思是,熊猫是否应该保护其实并不是我们讨论的最重要的话题;我在用这个例子讲解“立论文的结构”、“驳证究竟是如何起作用的”。

  还有就是“有争议的话题很难用对错来评判”——显然你根本没有听进去。

  ps:你那个什么熊猫是否美丽的说法,我就不反驳了。

  你用癞蛤蟆来说事情,可是我们的议题是濒危动物是否需要保护,我们没说美丽的动物需要保护。ok?

  当时我就说得很清楚,“我没有说你一定会有这样的想法(保护熊猫是因为它美丽),我的意思是你们这个群体中有一些人有这样的想法,对我来讲已经足够……”。

  同时我觉得你在论辨的时候思维不对,你为什么专注于国家的投资要么给熊猫,要么给孩子上学,

  据我所知,这两项不在一个拨款的范围之内,不是要么给孩子,要么给熊猫的问题。

  其实我觉得正常人的逻辑应该是这样的,比如北京市委要给人大附中拨款建立中国第一个中学里面

  的天文台,或者重修校舍什么的,你说不好,应该把这份钱给希望小学什么的。这笔教育经费存在

  着竞争。而熊猫的经费和希望小学和贫困学生没有竞争,他们不在一个系统里面。

  如果你一定要说钱都是国家的,为什么不存在投资上的竞争,那应该是教育经费和林业部门经费之

  间的问题。这是我的观点,我认为无论是熊猫和贫困孩子上学都要保护。

  可惜没办法进行投票(当然我希望参与投票的都是头脑清楚冷静的人),呵呵。

  首先,“林业部门”从哪儿冒出来的?

  其次,我们的分歧只不过是一个人从宏观上看问题,另外一个人从微观上看问题。仅此而已。谈不上对错。

  又及:原本不想回复这样的质疑。但是,想了想,也不花什么太多的时间,就回复了。

  其实,这是一个经典的教师授课困境。

  学生在听课的时候并不专注于教师讲课所强调的重点(立论文的结构、驳证的机理),而是专注于自己所关心的部分(他认为老师的说法有问题)。

  而实际上,学生作出的所有所谓的反驳,老师已经在课堂上要么作了回答,要么作了澄清。

  然而,由于老师讲解的过程中学生因为自己的大脑正在考虑他认为重要的东西,所以,老师的“回答”、“澄清”其实学生根本就没有听到。

  hanpingnew同学: 你的意见与如何写好作文没多大关系呀,笑来老师只是讲他会在本篇文章中怎么写或怎么写得好,这是可以有个人主观思想的。你所要关注的是写文章的思路、结构、逻辑。而不是对人有所批判。几个上课的老师中,我看还是笑来老师讲的最好。我很喜欢。

  笑来老师:你什么时候手术啊,可别影响课哟。呵呵,开玩笑的,还是祝你早日康复吧。

  cherry

  匿名] 韩平 @ 2006-5-22 11:28:21 跪倒痛哭,世间竟有如此好的老师。其实我就是想说明一下我的观点而已,没有任何不尊重老师讲课的意思,和不尊重老师的论证方法的问题。我觉得你论证的很好,很有说服力,而且我相信笑来老师是个好老师。为我们作了这么多的事情。而且我不想您拿我举例并且放到英语学习的地方去。我下次都没脸去上课了。

  我只是昨天晚上突然想起这个事情来了,其实在课堂上我确实想到这个问题了,但是我认真的听了您的课和教诲。

  我的意思是这样的,可能我没有表达清楚:您的议题是“反对盲目保护濒危野生动物” 而你第一段的论点是:我们没有权力决定该选取哪种濒危野生动物去保护。我当时上课就这个问题有点疑惑。我只是觉得不是很贴切。

  至于我后来说的“关于钱的投资问题”,我觉得您把两个同时都需要投资的事务相比较的时候,差距大了一些。孩子上学需要钱,熊猫保护需要钱。是的,你是对的,但是他们存在着很严重的竞争关系么。你还不如说熊猫需要地方居住,人类也需要地方居住更好一些,因为这种情况我看来是存在着非我即他的关系。我的脑海里面不是只有2个选项的。我觉得熊猫和孩子上学都要重视。

  回到我为什么跪地痛哭的问题。 1,争论是没有必要的,我们关心的是如何把作文写好。而不是逻辑上的争论。 2,即使争论,结果也是我是错的,你是对的,因为你的目的不是象学生们宣传熊猫或者孩子的问题,你是在教授我们如何组织观点和论据去举例说明,如何去作文,你展示的是作文的结构和内容,而不是去探讨这个问题。 3。我完全同意你的观点,真的,笑来老师,原谅我吧。就当我说错话好了。

  我们的原则向来是:对事不对人。

  我说:

  保护动物有必要保护么,我不支持。

  从我在DISCOVERY频道得到的知识来看,每天在地球上消失的物种达到1百多种,而每天新出现的物种也有相当的数目。

  作为在同在地球生存的一物种,我感觉没有任何权利决定哪一种动物是否应该继续生存,当被笑来问起这话提时,头一种想法就是优胜劣汰。 熊猫的确可爱,但是作为食物链中的一份子来看,感觉它的确已经失去价值,仔细想一下,的确象老师说的熊猫并不依存于谁,谁也不再靠熊猫活者(除恋熊猫癖者),这样的动物灭绝了的确对生态平衡改变不了多少,反而可能是每天从我们世界里消失的那极微小的生物们可能对自然的影响会更大一些

  然而,我们对这些在保的动物们,像熊猫,如果每年花500万/只!我的确感觉有点过分,500万的确可以干很多事情的。。。。比如说让100万个从没吃过麦当劳的穷困小朋友每人吃一个双层吉士汉堡等等

  头一次进笑来的网,误打误撞的来到了这里,没想到他果然可以回复学生的发言,而且在回复的句子中没有一个英文单词,这点真好。不拽

  进来说了点话,一是表示对老师看法的支持,二是想说说对笑来老师的看法

  开始感觉老师上课老大声叫唤,不太适应,后来理解老师这是在让注意力开始分散的我们受下刺激好打起精神。

  一个人在网上做这么多无私的事情,而且一周要上很多的大课。李老师真的很不容易,非常感谢

  笑来是不是经常健身,因为看到你两块大胸肌在麦克风后面忽隐忽显。。。。厉害 继续保持啊,千万别放下重量训练,要不会发福的

  不知道在这里写这些合适不合适,如果不地方不恰当,就拜托某人删除就好

  –超级大壮(街舞篮球)

  We do not need to exert too much efforts to1) protect endangered animals. Firstly2) some zoophiles are too nervous to focus on endangered animals and do not care about mankind benefits. I think it is stupid behavior3) and we should care about ourselves firstly4). For example, Baijitun, a very endangered fresh fish, live5) in Shanxia area in Changjiang river. The number of this endangered fish is below 100. It is a so small number! And our great Construction Ministry of China wants to built Shanxia great ban6). But Many zoophiles and animal experts stood out and struggled against this great construction just because it will make Baijitun extinct. They totally ignored the huge benefits that Shanxia great ban7) can bring. The Shaxia great ban8) can protect 150 million people against flood and generate electricity 84600 million kw/hour as equal as 10 times Dayawan nuclear power station can generate9).

  Secondly10) I believe the “survival of fittest” theory. It is unnecessary to protect endangered animal. Some animals become extinct and some survived in the earth. this is judged by nature. In my view,if mankind can not fit this world,we will become extinct as well. Finally ,it is too expensive to protect endangered animals ,as I know, Raising a panda need 5 million RMB per year. Why we should protect this animals, everyone knows it will be extinct sooner or later.11)

  Of course, some people like animals and they do not want any of them become extinct .I think we will master the DNA technology,and we just need to keep some fur or bones from endangered animals. It is easy in future, so we do not need to exert too much efforts to protect endangered animals.( orz 请老师斧正 orz )

  Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities

  43. Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  Among various motives that spur people to perform dangerous activities are money, pleasure, and ironically, nescience.

  Perhaps one of the most obvious motives that people perform dangerous activities might be the drive of money, which everyone needs in this world. People have enough wit to balance their certain choices, especially when they face with danger and money. Those stunt men or women in Hollywood movies, photographers who shoot sharks or crocodiles, those who participate in stock car racing, and even those criminals who rob the banks, are always sophisticated enough to calculate. If they are willing to take the risk, they must have evaluated well. They know exactly the rule: the more risks they take, the more they might get.

  Another possible motive might be the desire to pursue happiness. There also is another kind of people in this world. Money is of almost no importance to them. They perform dangerous activities just for their own pleasure. Perhaps the most appropriate example is sports. Actually every kind of sports is dangerous, and even can be deadly. Danger always exists, but people tend to simply ignore it. Take parachuting for example, who can refuse the fascination of flying in the sky like a bird On the other hand, it seems that danger itself makes the activity so fascinating. To conquer is the very nature of human being from the very beginning. Pheidippides said seconds before dropping dead two thousand years ago, “Rejoice, we conquer!” And it seems perfectly logical for some people that celebration follows conquer.

  Ironically, sometimes blind brave comes out of nescience (ignorance). Sometimes people simply don’t know the activity is hazardous or how perilous it exactly is. It can be exemplified by a recent incident. Five students (among them three are master degree) lost their lives in a mountaineering expedition. Reporters say those students didn’t make an adequate preparation before expedition, which made the tragedy ineluctable. People always praise alpinists with words such as strong, brave, courageous, but in this case none of these words is appropriate. Those young students traded their springtime with blind brave, and died in vain.

  You do not have to use anecdotes in your essay to achieve best score.

  Do not use anecdotes in your essay. → You do not have to use anecdotes in your essay to achieve best score.

  You do not have to use anecdotes in your essay to achieve best score.Appropriately used, anecdotes, quotations, legends etc. can really give a fine polish to an essay, but this doesn’t necessarily mean wonderful essay could not be done without them. Besides, most anecdotes are fabricated, implying that they are unreliable as valid evidence in rational argument.

  In a well-known anecdote, Columbia once put up a goose egg. However, historians never buy it. The reason is simple: A same story can be found in record which merely had a different protagonist, and had been circulated more than two hundred years when Columbia was born. In fact, such purposely adapted stories abound in history and should not be taken as serious in rational argumentation.

  Another anecdote is related to great Washington. The legend has it, when old Washington asked little Washington who on the earth had killed the little cherry tree yonder in the garden, six-year-old Washington replied with honest and courage after a short moment of hesitate: “”I cannot tell a lie, father, you know I cannot tell a lie! I did cut it with my little hatchet.” Despite of the alleged pedagogic value of this story, historians don’t buy it again, because evidences show that there had no cherry trees at all in Washingtons’ garden.

  Even some alleged historical facts might well be untrue. A well-known example is Shen-Chong rape case in 1946. It was reported that in December 24th, Shen-Chong, a Peking University student, was raped by American Soldier (Marine). The incident soon sparked off an anti-American student movement. However, after immigrated to America in the early 1990s, Shen-Chong denied the fact that she was raped. If what she said 44 years after is the truth, then the alleged historical fact needs reconsideration.

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