TWE:009
Nowaday,living environment become increasingly important to the people.It is quite understandable that different people like different stuff,having different choices.Some people love living in a big city,others choose to stay in a small town.
There are two advantages to live in a big city.First of all,convenience is a huge reason.If you live in a big city,you don't need to drive a car for several miles just for a jar of beer,you don't have to spend more than one hour to go for work,either.You can buy anything you want in anytime without considering the time problem.Secondly,there are many wonderful school in a big city.Education is specially important to a child,so their parents will choos an apartment in order to let their children enter a key school.
Even though there are so many benefits to live in a big city,some people still choose a small town.Because it is so silent that you can relax thoroughly.Face to the fierce competition,you must keep improving youself,if you fall back,your position will be taken away.Relax yourself can help you do better in the next day,so small town is a very good choice.What is more?The clean air is attractive,too.There much more plants in the country than in a big city.If you live in a town,you will find how amazing living without traffic jam,factories and polluted air.To the children,it is quite bad for their eyes and lung living in unclean air.
From my perspective,I prefer living in a small town.Because I love silence and clean air.And I consider that it is excellent to a child live in the country.There is much more space for them to play.They can get in touch with nature and they will gain much knowledge about various plants,which is not very common is the big city.Because if the reasons above,I choose a small town to live.
修改意见:
Nowaday,living environment become(s) increasingly important to the people.It is quite understandable that different people like different stuff(this word is usually used in spoken English),having different choices. No wonder, Some people love living in a big city,others choose to stay in a small town.
There are two advantages to live in a big city.First of all,convenience is ahuge main reason.If you live in a big city,you don't need to drive a car for several miles just for a jar of beer,(haha.., good excuse)you don't have to spend more than one hour to go for work,either.You can buy anything you want in anytime without considering the time problem(I understand what you mean, but it is not true in Canada or America. people spend a lot of time on the way to work, and shopping time is also restricted. because you use the pronoun "you", and because your readers are native in USA, it is a good idea to change some context. or add some information about where this takes place.).Secondly,there are many wonderful school in a big city.Education is specially important to a child,so their parents will choosean apartment in order to let their children enter a key famous school.( the point is good, but the supporting is nothing to do with your point)
Even though there are so many benefits to live in a big city,some people still choose a small town.(very good link)Because it is so silent that you can relax thoroughly.Face to the fierce competition,you must keep improving youself,if you fall back,your position will be taken away.Relax yourself can help you do better in the next day,so small town is a very good choice.What is more?futhermore, The clean air is attractive,too.There much more plants in the country than in a big city.If you live in a town,you will find how amazing living without traffic jam,factories and polluted air.To the children,it is quite bad(???) for their eyes and lung living in unclean air.
From my perspective,I prefer living in a small town.Because I love silence and clean air.And I consider that it is excellent to a child live in the country.There is much more space for them to play.They can get in touch with nature and they will gain much knowledge about various plants,which is not very common is the big city.Because if the reasons above,I choose a small town to live.(good conclusion)
this essay is well-organized, and the language is good, but the supporting points need details( their connection to the points). I like the linking sentence between paragraphs and the conclusion. practice makes perfect.