为了提高
If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.
If I could invent something new, I would invent a device or pill that could put people to sleep immediately and carry no side effects. The proper amount of sleep is important for our concentration, and our mental and physical health.
|
|
内容 |
详细条目 |
|
段落 |
此段结构 |
首段，第一句话回答题目问题，发表观点。第二句话对自己的观点进行简单分析，即初步做出解释。 |
|
此段功能 |
首段陈述了作者论点，并进行了简单的分析。 |
Getting enough sleep is a vital human need. For one thing, without sleep our concentration is strongly affected. When deprived of natural amounts of sleep, we become easily distracted, we have difficulty remembering things, and we don’t notice what’s happening around us. For example, a lot of serious car accidents are caused by tired drivers. When we get enough sleep, our powers of concentration are sharper. We’re more focused on what we’re doing. We perform better.
|
|
内容 |
详细条目 |
|
段落 |
此段结构 |
本段是一个总分的结构。开头提出论点，即充足的睡眠是人类最基本的生活需求。接下来从不足的睡眠会影响注意力的集中来展开分析，并且举例说明。最后从充足的睡眠会带给人积极的影响来收尾。 |
|
此段功能 |
本段是文章第二段，提出了正文的第一个支持论点。 |
Mental health is also affected by lack of sleep, and it’s easy to tell if people don’t get enough sleep. They’re on-edge, cranky, and often seem out of sorts. They can lose their tempers easily and over-react to tense or even mildly stressful situations. In fact, experiments have shown that lack of sleep over a long period of time can be a critical starting factor in complete mental breakdowns. When we get proper rest, we’re more alert and responsive. Our outlook is positive, and we’re much easier to get along with.
|
|
内容 |
详细条目 |
|
段落 |
此段结构 |
总分的结构，开头提出论点，即健康的精神发展要求充足的睡眠。接着举例缺乏睡眠的人会发展出怎样的行为和性格，最后导致精神的崩溃。 |
|
此段功能 |
本段是文章第三段，提出了正文的第二个支持论点。 |
Our physical health can often be a true manifestation of sleeplessness, too: we experience lack of energy, and everything requires major effort. Over a long period of time, we can become slow and unresponsive. The wear and tear on a body from lack of sleep can be a very serious health problem. Every doctor will tell you that getting enough sleep is a basic factor in maintaining good health.
|
|
内容 |
详细条目 |
|
段落 |
此段结构 |
总分的结构，开头提出论点，即我们是否缺乏睡眠也会通过身体状况显示。后面一句话对论点进行了进一步解释，列举一些缺乏睡眠带给我们身体健康的负面影响。 |
|
此段功能 |
本段是文章第四段，提出了正文的第三个支持论点。 |
Wouldn’t it be great to go to bed every night knowing you’d have no problem getting to sleep, no matter what’s going on in your life? Getting enough sleep is always going to be an important part of how you respond to any situation. I think this invention would be very helpful to all of us.
|
|
内容 |
详细条目 |
|
段落 |
此段结构 |
本段第一句话以反问开头，然后再次强调充足睡眠的重要性，最后重申自己的观点。 |
|
此段功能 |
本段是文章的尾段，承接了上文，总结了观点，并重新陈述了作者立场。 |
满分要素剖析
一、语言表达
本文涉及到很多描述性的语言，因此各种形容词的使用非常频繁，作者十分准确地用合适的词语来表现出不同情况下的人的表现和性格，还有一些固定搭配的词组也值得借鉴。
1、When deprived of natural amounts of sleep, we become easily distracted, we have difficulty remembering things, and we don’t notice what’s happening around us. 表示睡眠不充足这里用了deprive of，原义是剥夺，失去的意思，deprive sb. of sth. 是固定搭配。distract表示注意力的分散。have difficulty doing sth. 或者是it is difficult to do，这是结构的灵活变化。
2、They’re on-edge, cranky, and often seem out of sorts. They can lose their tempers easily and over-react to tense or even mildly stressful situations. 这一句话形容一个缺乏充足睡眠的人，用了一连串形容词 on-edge紧张，烦躁不安，cranky暴躁的，易恼的，out of sorts是固定搭配，表示心情和身体都不佳，lose temper发脾气，over-react过度反应，tense这里表示局势情况的紧张，也表示人的紧张，或者身上肌肉的僵硬。
3、When we get proper rest, we’re more alert and responsive. Our outlook is positive, and we’re much easier to get along with.首先仍然是丰富的形容性词汇，alert and responsive形容休息充足后意识的清醒和反应的灵敏，outlook表示展望，观点, 解释为mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations/ belief about the future。get along with与…相处。
二、逻辑结构
文章从三个方面正面论述了自己的观点，说明了自己选择发明睡眠辅助器的理由。包括充足的睡眠对人的注意力，精神和身体健康都是有很大影响的。在分论点讨论时，用了对比，以及反面论证的方式，比如第一个和第二个分论点，对比睡眠不足和睡眠充足时人的表现来体现差别，从而证明睡眠充足的重要性;最后一个分论点则是单纯从反面，即睡眠不充足的角度来说明消极影响，反衬正面的重要性。这种多角度的论证方式保证了论证的全面性。
独立写作185题库是ETS公布的托福考试经典官方作文题库，收录在托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的附录中，在托福考试改革之前，是作文真题的主要来源。现在的托福考试对官方作文题目进行了扩大，但是185题库仍然和考试作文真题紧密相连，为考生提供最权威最真实的托福范文参考和写作练习。SmartStudy的教学专家对185题库的逐题讲解，从考题精读，头脑风暴，范文展示，甚至是同类题型的归纳等多个方面切入，将平面简短的文题毁灭性地分崩离析，以思路指导清晰其面貌，以生动的观点和事例丰满其个性，提供更完整更立体的试题透视途径，准确击碎写作障碍。
版权声明：本文系网独家稿件，版权为网所有。转载须注明来源及作者，否则必将追究法律责任。
微信扫描下方二维码，第一时间知晓托福考试真题预测及解析，还有北美留学最新动态喔~(微信号：toefl120)!