为了提高
It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.
I oppose having a new high school built in my neighborhood. Although I know there’s a real need for a new facility, I have to say that I don’t want one built so close to my home. I think it would cause a lot of problems and be a great waste of resources.
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本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨，反对建立新高中。后面第二、三句话进行了让步和解释。 |
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本段是文章的首段，对文章的讨论话题进行了引入，并点明了作者的主旨。 |
First of all, there are very few teenagers in this neighborhood, or in our suburban subdivision, for that matter. Most of the residents here are either retired or are just starting out with young children. This means that the kids coming to the new high school wouldn’t be walking. They would come on buses or would drive to the school. Either way, this would mean a lot more traffic on our streets.
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本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨，这儿小孩儿已经不多了。后面对主旨进行了简要分析。段落结构比较简单，没有分层。 |
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本段是文章的第二段，也就是正文第一段，写了支持作者立场的第一个分论点。 |
In addition to the traffic on school days, there also would be traffic whenever there was a sporting event, such as a basketball or football game, or activities at the school. Would there be enough parking in the school lot for everyone attending those events? Probably not. Consequently, those extra cars would end up in our neighborhood. My neighbors and I would also be upset about the loss of the park, which is the site that’s been selected for the high school. Mothers with young children gather there every morning for their kids to play together. People my age like to take a walk after dinner. On weekends, that park is a place for picnics and relaxation. We’d be sorry to lose our neighborhood park and our most important socializing area.
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本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨，也就是交通问题。后面第二句话对主旨进行了设问。然后坐着自问自答，通过对这个问题的回答对整个分论点进行了分析。 |
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本段是文章的第三段，也就是正文第二段，写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点。 |
I also have some concerns about all those young people being in our neighborhood. Would there be problems with drugs or fights? Could the school district guarantee us that security would be a priority? These are concerns that I don't think can be addressed sufficiently and thus I cannot support a new high school in my neighborhood.
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本段是一个分总的结构。首先第一句话承接了上文，进一步说作者对孩子们的忧虑。后面用一系列设问句引发大家思考，并重申了作者主论点。 |
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本段是文章的尾段，承接了上文，并重申论点，利用一些设问句引发大家思考，进行文章升华。 |
满分因素剖析
一、语言表达
本文语言朴实，并没有应用很多华丽的辞藻，用到的词汇多是高中和四级词汇，但表达清楚，逻辑清晰，通俗易懂。在句式方面，文章应用了设问、反问的修辞手法引发大家对问题进行思考，升华了全文。
1. Although I know there’s a real need for a new facility, I have to say that I don’t want one built so close to my home.
此句中出现了一个英语写作中的常用句型there’s a need for sth，意思是“有对...的需求”。这个句型可以用来阐释一种社会现象，例如，Nowadays, there’s a growing need for works to do manual job. “have to say” 的意思是“不得不说”，暗含一种婉转的语气。
2. In addition to the traffic on school days, there also would be traffic whenever there was a sporting event, such as a basketball or football game, or activities at the school.
此句中，介词短语in addition to的意思是“还有，和”相当于“and, besides”。To作为介词，后面接名词或动词的ing形式，引导并列结构。在后面的句子中，whenever引导时间状语从句，意思是“无论何时”，做主句的时间状语。Whenever还可以引导让步状语从句，相当于”no matter when”
3. These are concerns that I don't think can be addressed sufficiently and thus I cannot support a new high school in my neighborhood.
此句中是一个多种从句嵌套的结构，concern作为名词，表示“担心的事，顾虑的事”，后面的that引导定语从句，that I don't think can be addressed sufficiently作定语修饰concerns。在这个定语从句中，I don’t think可以视为插入语。副词sufficiently的意思是充分的，同义词还有“necessarily”在写作中可以表达因果逻辑关系。
二、逻辑结构
文章采用的是正正的结构，前两个正文段对全文论点进行了分析和支持，最后一个尾段补充了一些作者的concern，使得文章内容丰富，逻辑严谨。
文章应用了设问、反问的修辞手法引发大家对问题进行思考，升华了全文。
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