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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.
I don't think it is a good idea for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students. It can interfere with their studies, disrupts their home life, and takes away part of their childhood that can never be replaced.
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此段结构 |
本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨，孩子们不应该去工作。后面第二句话对主旨进行了简要分析并对后面正文段的内容进行了原因的概括总结，即interfere with their studies, disrupts their home life, and takes away part of their childhood。 |
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本段是文章的首段，点出作者观点，概括引出下文。 |
Education today is very complex and difficult. In order to learn and get good grades, a student must work very hard and concentrate. This means attending classes from early in the morning until late afternoon, then doing research for projects, then going home and doing homework. It’s a busy schedule for everyone. For someone trying to hold down a job, it’s even harder. Students need all their energy for their studies. If they're working after class at night, they’re going to be tired the next day. They won't be able to concentrate. This will have a negative impact on their learning, and eventually on their grades.
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本段是一个分总的结构。首先第一句话引出了背景，也就是教育现在比较难。后面对此进行了原因分析，并举了一些学生的例子。本段可以分为两个部分，第一个部分就是直接的原因分析，第二部分是利用反面证明，如果学生们工作会有很多的弊端。最后对此进行了总结，即This will have a negative impact on their learning, and eventually on their grades. |
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本段是文章的第二段，也就是正文第一段，写了支持作者立场的第一个分论点。 |
Having a job can also disrupt a teenager's home life. Nowadays, families spend less and less time together. If a teenager has a job to go to after school, he won't be home for dinner and may not get home until late at night. If he doesn't have a car, it can mean changes in his parents' schedule, too. They have to drive him to work and pick him up. The main drawback of a teenager having a job while he's still a student is that he's missing out on the fun of being young. He has a whole lifetime in which he'll have to earn a living. This is the last free time he'll have. It’s the last chance he'll have to hang out with friends and just enjoy himself. Soon enough he'll have to worry about paying the rent and buying food. Jobs bring money, but money isn't everything. No one should spend all his time at working, and especially not a teenager.
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段落 |
此段结构 |
本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨，即孩子工作可能会影响生活。本段后面可以分为两个部分。第一个部分讲的孩子们更少有时间和家人在一起了，所以影响了家庭生活。第二个段进一步说，孩子们也失去了自己娱乐的时间。段中用一些例子来佐证了观点，使论证更加充分。最后对文章进行了总结，即要求孩子们不要工作（No one should spend all his time at working, and especially not a teenager.） |
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此段功能 |
本段是文章的第三段，也就是正文第二段，写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点，并重申了本文的主论点。 |
满分因素剖析：
一、语言表达
与其他满分作文相比，本文语言略显平淡。不过几乎没有语法错误和逻辑错误，语言明了，文章清晰易懂。在托福写作中，有些同学刻意去使用一些自己从未使用过的高难词汇，长难句型，往往出现很多错误，而且词不达意，从而得到很低的分数。因此，那些在写作方面没有很多积累的同学，可以学习这篇文章的写法。
1. It can interfere with their studies, disrupts their home life, and takes away part of their childhood that can never be replaced.
此句中，动词短语interfere with的意思的“对...产生干扰”，和后面的disrupt是同义词。动词短语take away的意思是“拿走，夺走”。此句出现在文章开头段的最后一句话，it 带着前面讨论的话题“teenage having job”，后面并列的三部分则概括了下文论证的三个层次。因此这句话起到了承上启下的重要作用。
2. The main drawback of a teenager having a job while he's still a student is that he's missing out on the fun of being young.
此句是一个多种从句嵌套的句型。主语是drawback，意思是“缺点”，相同的表达有shortcoming。While引导时间状语从句。That引导表语从句，跟在系动词is之后，做主句的表语。
3. Jobs bring money, but money isn't everything.
此句在内容方面很有哲理。一般人认为青少年找工作可以赚钱，而作者说，即便青少年挣了钱，也不意味着什么，从而说明青少年找工作是弊大于利的。
二、逻辑结构
本文采用大正的支持态度，简单易懂。文章中使用了许多生活中的例子来证明本段，并做了很多假设。这些论证方法都使文章内容充实，逻辑严谨。同时文章用词比较简单，没有卖弄长难句，这让文章更加简单易懂，但是错误很少，句式变换丰富。
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