为了提高
Some people prefer to spend time with one or two close friends. Others choose to spend time with a large number of friends. Compare the advantage of each choice. Which of these two ways of spending time do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.
We all need to have friends, and I think the more friends we have the better. Friendship helps us learn to trust others and to expect certain things from others. I like to have a lot of friends around me so I can learn more about myself from the viewpoints of different people.
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详细条目 |
段落 |
此段结构 |
本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话开门见山地点明了主旨,即作者喜欢和很多的朋友在一起。后面对主旨进行了简要解释,即朋友多了学到的东西也就越多,并引入下文。 |
此段功能 |
本段是文章首段,引出要讨论内容,帮助作者陈述观点,摆明立场。 |
I want to have people around me that I trust and that I can depend on. If I only have a few friends, it is possible that they might not be around when I need them. If I have a lot of friends, it is more likely that they will be able to share in sadness and happiness.
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详细条目 |
段落 |
此段结构 |
本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,即作者需要朋友的作用是可以depend on。后面第二、三句话对主旨进行了简要分析,从反面对比了,如果我们没有那么多好朋友可能会找不到人去分享快乐和忧伤了。 |
此段功能 |
本段是文章的第二段,也就是正文第一段,写了支持作者立场的第一个分论点。 |
I want to have people around me that bring unexpected delight to life. If I have just one or two friends, our friendship becomes predictable and routine. I know how they will react. If I have a lot of friends around me, I will always be surprised. Each will have a different way of reacting to a situation.
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内容 |
详细条目 |
段落 |
此段结构 |
本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,即作者希望朋友能给自己带来很多惊喜,而朋友只有一两个就很难有惊喜了。后面对主旨进行了简要分析。 |
此段功能 |
本段是文章的第三段,也就是正文第二段,写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点。 |
I want to have people around me that can teach me new things about life. If I only have a couple of friends, I will know everything about them quickly. If I have hundreds of friends, I will always learn something new. Each day I’ll learn something new and show me a new way of thinking. I have a lot to learn, so I want as many people as possible to influence me. I want a lot of friends to show me new things and I’ll do the same for them.
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内容 |
详细条目 |
段落 |
此段结构 |
本段是一个总分总的结构,可以分为两个层次。第一层次:首先第一句话即点明了分论点,即朋友可以教会我很多新的东西。后面对其进行了简要分析总结。第二部分:收束了文章,对整体进行概括,并重述了本文主旨。 |
此段功能 |
本段是文章的第四段,也就是正文第三段,写了支持作者立场的第三个分论点,并收束了全文,重申了主旨。 |
满分要素剖析
一、语言表达
本篇文章虽然在语言表达上稍显单一简单,但是在简洁中重点突出了作者句式上的工整性。具体如下。
1. I like to have a lot of friends around me so I can learn more about myself from the viewpoints of different people.这句话是个有因果关系的并列句,这句话可以换一种复合句的表达 If I can keep a lot of good friends around me, I can learn more about myself from the viewpoints of different people. if引导的主情从现的真实条件句。
2. Friendship helps us learn to trust others and to expect certain things from others.这句话的结构是主谓宾宾补,宾补是复合的,复合中并列了不定式。另外,help sb do sth=help sb to do sth. 下面从句意上来提升理解,友情是建立在信任的基础上的,只有相互信任,才能从朋友身上学到闪光的东西,如果不信任彼此,那么人们也不会去期待学习certain things from others,所以作者把to trust others放在to expect certain things from others前面,也就是说,要先给予别人信任,才能获得某些东西,这里也体现了一种经济学的原理,付出和回报的关系。
3. I want to have people around me that I trust and that I can depend on. 这句话中的that I trust and that I can depend on是个宾语从句修饰people,由于被around me隔开了,所以不太容易发现。引导词that做的是从句的宾语,其实可以省略,后面and that又是定语从句的并列。
4. If I only have a few friends, it is possible that they might not be around when I need them. If I have a lot of friends, it is more likely that they will be able to share in sadness and happiness.从整体来看,这两句话的结构都是If I…, it is ….放在一起使用显得句式工整。局部来看,又都用了it作形式主语。其中it is possible 和it is more likely都是好像的意思,有些可能性,这里体现作者陈述自己想法时的婉转客观的写法。但二者在可能性的程度上又是有很大差别的,很显然, more likely > possible 的可能性,事实上,probable>likely>possible,三个可能性依次减弱,到了possible的可能性就变得极小,这里读者可以看到笔者对自己观点的把握性不大,而从句后面用的情态动词表推测might not be…这种用法又是在推测里面可能性最小的一种,所以从意思上来看,作者不否认有几个朋友的好处,但是后面大大肯定了有一群朋友的好处,此处写法极为妙哉!
5. I want to have people around me that bring unexpected delight to life. If I have just one or two friends, our friendship becomes predictable and routine. I know how they will react.这三句话在结构上依然很简单,但是在单词上对应的却很到位,比如unexpected反义对应predictable,而predictable同义对应后面的how they react, 这里就是细节地方的逻辑对应,考官只要看明白一处就知道整段的意思了。
二、逻辑结构
本文的逻辑结构为四个全正段落,作文题目又是选择倾向性,作者第一段亮出观点,说明自己喜欢和很多朋友在一起,并论述了第一个支持自己的观点,即跟许多朋友可以学习到不同的想法,即learn(viewpoints), 第二段作者写出支持自己观点的第二个论点,即许多朋友有依靠,可以互相分享很多东西,即share。第三段作者说明了第三个正面论点,朋友多可以随时being surprised(delightfully),我们可以感受到笔者心中的那股正能量正在释放。第四段的正面观点又是学习,但是快速地学习新的东西(learn new things quickly),最终作者落笔到I want a lot of friends to show me new things and I’ll do the same for them. 这句话作为结尾非常地体面,显现出笔者平衡的心态和很好的品德,因为一味的向朋友索取对朋友是不公平的。
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