托福写作185题库独立范文及解析:第80题

2022-05-30 14:42:04

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  Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples.

  The answer to this question depends on your own experience and the country you were brought up. In my point view, the most important custom from my country that I would like people from other countries to adopt is filial piety.

 

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此段结构

首段,第一句话提出背景,第二句话讲出了作者的观点。

此段功能

首段为文章提供了背景,陈述了作者论点。

  According to Chinese tradition, filial piety is the primary duty of all-Chinese. Being a filial son means show respect to one's parents during their lifetime and--as they grew older--taking the best possible care of them.

 

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段落

此段结构

本段是承接上文,对作者选择的风俗条目进行进一步的解释,补充背景知识。

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本段是文章第二段,进一步进行背景介绍。

  A story can best illustrate the concept of filial pity. During the Chin Dynasty (4th-5th Century CE), a boy named Wu Meng was already serving his parents in exemplary filial piety although he was just eight years old. The family was so poor that they could not even afford gauze net against the mosquitoes. Therefore every night in the summer swarms of mosquitoes would come and bite them. Wu Meng let them all feast on his naked stomach. Even though there were so many, he did not drive them away. He feared that the mosquitoes, having left him, would instead bite his parents. His heart was truly filled with love for his parents.

 

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此段结构

总分的结构,开篇第一句话提示有一个故事要讲,随后展开具体的故事描述。

此段功能

本段是文章第三段,用古代的故事具体呈现孝顺这一美德的内涵,仍然属于对自己选择的filial piety所做的进一步阐释。

  Filial piety is a good virtual of Chinese people, and people from other countries should also learn from it. Parents gave us birth and nurtured us, therefore we have the obligation to respect them and to take care of them when they can no longer take care of themselves. Western countries have complete social welfare systems to support people financially after they retire, but older people often face loneliness; they long for somebody to talk to them, especially their children and grand-children. We should try our best to spend more time with them, talk to them, and take them to family gatherings and trips to the nature.

 

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总分的结构,开头提出filial piety是中国人的传统美德,然后解释为什么子女应该对父母尽力孝顺,接下来还展开提出了一些关于如何孝顺的建议。

此段功能

本段是文章第四段,提出作者觉得子女应该尽孝的理由,也就是自己做出这个选择的第一个理由。

  Filial piety can benefit our society. It can make our family tie stronger, and children can learn a lot from our attitude to our parents and from their grand parents. They can realize how important a family is to a person, and develop a strong sense of responsibility to their families and friends. For example, when it is necessary to stand out to defend our families and even the nation for danger, we will not hesitate to do so, because we know how important our families and our country is to us.

 

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段落

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总分的结构,开头提出论点,即尽孝有益于社会的发展。接下来展开讲述子女尽孝会让家庭更团结,对后代来说能起到言传身教的作用等等有利于社会进步的理由。然后举例说明。

此段功能

本段是文章第四段,提出作者觉得子女应该尽孝的第二个理由。

  In short, the most important custom from my country that I would like people from other countries to adopt is to be good to their parents. It is not only ensure that our parents can be taken good care of when they are getting old, but also help our children to develop good virtues and spirits.

 

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段落

此段结构

本段第一句话重述自己的观点,对父母尽孝是作者的第一选择。然后总结了文中提出的分论点,也就是做出这一选择的原因。

此段功能

本段是文章的尾段,承接了上文,总结了观点,并重新陈述了作者立场。

  满分要素剖析:

  一、 语言表达

  本文的语言表达生动,词汇丰富,文中涉及到中国传统故事的讲述,以及孝顺这一传统美德的阐释,大量描述性的语言也显示出作者成熟的造句能力。

  The family was so poor that they could not even afford gauze net against the mosquitoes. 这个句子包含了so+形容词+ that的句型,表示因为太贫穷而买不起蚊帐,这里cannot afford sth.是一个很常用的表示负担不起,买不起的用法。

  Western countries have complete social welfare systems to support people financially after they retire, but older people often face loneliness; they long for somebody to talk to them, especially their children and grand-children. 表示渴望用long for,替代want等使用频率过高的简单词汇,face loneliness这个搭配,非常形象地展现出面临孤独的状态。Complete social welfare表示健全的社会福利制度,对于这个福利制度的简单解释也可以学习:support people financially after they retire。

  3. It is not only ensure that our parents can be taken good care of when they are getting old, but also help our children to develop good virtues and spirits.除了常见的not only,but also将句子组建起来之外,develop good virtues and spirits表示发展或者是培养美德和精神。表示变老这个意思用get old,以及ensure作为确保和保证的使用都值得借鉴。

  二、逻辑结构

  作者主要从报答父母和培养后代两个角度说明孝顺对于社会发展的正面影响,分论点分别为对父母尽孝是中华民族的传统美德,同时也是社会发展的正能量。采用了从正面论证自己观点的方式。

  结构依然是常用的总分总的结构,但是这篇文章在背景的铺垫上花了很大功夫,因此,在总的提出自己的观点之后,插播了对文章背景的解释和故事阐释,然后各个分论点击破,最后总结再述立场,并概括分论点。

  其中对于背景的解释和讲故事的部分是本篇文章的关键,如果缺乏背景知识,读者无论如何都无法与作者达成共鸣,因此花大篇幅去做好铺垫是很重要的。

  独立写作185题库是ETS公布的托福考试经典官方作文题库,收录在托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的附录中,在托福考试改革之前,是作文真题的主要来源。现在的托福考试对官方作文题目进行了扩大,但是185题库仍然和考试作文真题紧密相连,为考生提供最权威最真实的托福范文参考和写作练习。SmartStudy的教学专家对185题库的逐题讲解,从考题精读,头脑风暴,范文展示,甚至是同类题型的归纳等多个方面切入,将平面简短的文题毁灭性地分崩离析,以思路指导清晰其面貌,以生动的观点和事例丰满其个性,提供更完整更立体的试题透视途径,准确击碎写作障碍。

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