为了提高
What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
It is important for young people to congregate together and engage in activities outside of school. People my age would like to have a nice place to go after school in order to socialize, and just relax.
In my town, there are a few tea houses, but these are usually reserved for men of my father’s generation. Teenagers do not go there unless they must deliver a message to their fathers. Teenagers need their own place where young people can meet after school to talk and exchange ideas.
At our own tea house, we could also have meetings of different kinds. These would be similar to club meetings. We could have a debate club, a poetry group, or a student united nations. Students could meet after school one night every week and have meetings and have fun together.
We need a place where we can relax apart from our families. Often, home life is very hectic. And people, usually younger children, make a lot of noise in the evenings. Teenagers are not children but not yet adults. We need a quiet place where we can study, read or just sit.
If our town were to have a tea house reserved exclusively for teenagers, it would be good not only for teenagers, but for their parents since they would always know where their children are. Therefore, I think having a tea house for teenagers is beneficial for everyone involved including the tea house.
满分要素剖析
一、 语言表达
1. People my age would like to have a nice place to go after school in order to socialize, and just relax. 这一句话放在第一段，必定有它重要的地位。由于第一句话提出了中心论点，那么紧接着就是对第一句话中心论点的解释，这句话的重要意义在于给出了青少年喜欢参加社交活动的原因，只是relax。虽然在句式和用词上略显一般，但其重要程度是不可忽视的。从细节上，我们发现年轻人喜欢在放学后社交活动，即after school，可以从侧面反映在学校学习是非常苦闷劳累的，这也就必然导致了学生们需要有自己的空间。
2. Teenagers need their own place where young people can meet after school to talk and exchange ideas. 这句话有个定语从句值得一提，where young people can meet after school to talk and exchange ideas修饰place，从句中的where在从句中做地点状语，相当于in a place. 之后的作用非常值得强调，之所以需要有自己的一片空间，需要放松，然而，那用这段时间来干什么呢，作者又给出了细节支撑，即to talk & to exchange ideas, 这样的写法就更加夯实了作者观点的合理性，因为学生聚集在一起并不是在做什么浪费时间的事情，而是在交流思想，共同进步，之后作者又提到We could have a debate club, a poetry group, or a student united nations.这么多有意义的事情，何乐而不为呢。作者在细节上稍作修饰就可尽量避免读者进行有负面的想法，此种写法让人不禁称赞!
3. We need a place where we can relax apart from our families. Oftentimes home life is very hectic and people, usually younger children, make a lot of noise in the evenings. 这两句话不仅在语言上非常显现作者功底，在深层次的文化方面也是有所影响的，比如作者提到家里总是有些小孩子在制造噪音，这使得年龄大一点的孩子非常受不了。因为计划生育的原因，这样的现象在中国城市里不常见，但是在美国本土，这种现象是屡见不鲜的。
二、 逻辑结构
本文的逻辑结构非常清晰明了。一共分为五个段落来论证。正文采用正正正的逻辑结构。首先，第一段开门见山地点明了主旨，即对于年轻人来说社交活动是非常重要的。之后对其进行了简单陈述，目的是放松身心，作用引领了全文整体的观点。第二段作者引入一个生动的例子用来做第一个分论点，这里主要讲了青少年对那种tea house的向往，从侧面说明青少年也需要自己的空间。第三个段落接着第二段的例子继续对未来的那种tea house进行充分的联想。紧接着第四段作者说明了原因，为什么现在的年轻人需要自己的空间，需要除了家之外的另一个寂静之处。最后一段作者对上文进行总结并说明这种类似于tea house的好处。
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