为了提高
Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Although automobiles have improved our modern life in some way for its speed, convenience, and capacity of carrying things, we have had to pay the price for it. Now, as more and more automobiles have been putting into use, the problems that the automobile has caused are seemed to be more and more serious accordingly. These problems, in my mind, like the accidents, the air pollution, the damage of the ozone layers should be given more attention than anytime before.
There are a lot of problems that has been causing by the automobile. It kills hundreds of thousands of people and disables many more every year. It drinks up our precious fossil fuels that cannot be replaced. New roads for the automobile also eat up our precious farmlands while many children are starving all around the world. These problems are really serious and upsetting many of us
The most serious problem caused by the automobile is the air pollution. It is said that it emits millions of tons of harmful gas into the air everyday. The dirt air harms our human beings health badly. It can cause a variety of diseases such as plumbism, insomnia, and mental disability and even certain kinds of cancer. That is really terrible.
Air pollution caused by the automobile can give rise to even more serious consequences. One thing, it will destroy the ozone layers that protect the lives on the earth from the hurt of the strong and direct ultraviolet rays. Much more ultraviolet can also destroy the fragile ecosystem on the earth. It is just the life circle in which we survive. Another thing is that the air pollution caused by the automobile can lead to the global warming. If the weather is getting warmer and warmer, the icebergs scattered in both of the two poles of the earth will be melted, which will cause the sea level rising and flooding all the cities and villages along the seashores. The lost of the lives and property will be countless. That is really a tremendous disaster.
I do not mean to deny the fact that the automobile has improved our modern life in many ways. It acts a vital role in our social life. It also supports our industries. It is indispensable in our modern life. We cannot imagine how we can live a modern life without the automobile. However, the problems it has caused today, such as the lives and properties lost, the dirty air and the consequences of the pollution, seems to be more dangerous and obvious than anytime. Therefore, it will never over do to emphasize the seriousness of these problems and urge the governments and other responsible organizations to solve them.
满分要素剖析:
一、 语言表达
文章的语言表达,不论是从词汇量,还是句式变化,都是优秀的范例,有很多值得借鉴之处,单是文中高级形容词汇就是阅读完后一笔不小的收获,比如fragile脆弱的,countless不计其数的,tremendous巨大的,可怕的,vital关键的,至关重要的,indispensable不可缺少的,责无旁贷的。
1. Although automobiles have improved our modern life in some way for its speed, convenience, and capacity of carrying things, we have had to pay the price for it. 改善生活improve our life;在某种程度上,在某些方面in some way;付出代价pay the price。
2. It drinks up our precious fossil fuels that cannot be replaced. New roads for the automobile also eat up our precious farmlands while many children are starving all around the world. 这两句话都用了拟人的手法,drink up和eat up都是人类吃光喝光的表达,让语言更生动。Fossil fuel指代石油,starving表示饥饿的,动词形式starve,有固定搭配,starve to death饿死了。
3. It is said that it emits millions of tons of harmful gas into the air everyday.首先是it is said that句式,表示据说。emit排放,放出(气体,光或者热,噪音等)。
4. If the weather is getting warmer and warmer, the icebergs scattered in both of the two poles of the earth will be melted, which will cause the sea level rising and flooding all the cities and villages along the seashores. 这是一连串的循序渐进的推理句,从气候变暖(get warmer)出发,导致冰川融散(scatter and melt),接着海平面上升(rise sea level),引发洪水灾害(flood),淹没海岸城市(cities and villages along the seashore),好的语言表达加上有逻辑的推理,组成一个好句子。
二、 逻辑结构
这篇文章的论证过程是一步一个脚印不断推进的过程,作者先介绍汽车带来的一些环境,社会问题,然后指出环境污染是其中最严重的,并从两个方面讨论——人类健康和环境污染两个消极影响,最后在结尾部分让步,也承认了机动车给人们生活带来的便利,但同时强调它的灾难性超越了积极性,因此整个社会都应该予以重视。这种论证方式由大及小,再以小见大,有重点有层次地组织全文,还考虑到了论证的全面严谨。
全文是总分总的结构,分论点下也有总分的层次结构。
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