为了提高
Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Do you think people deserve such high salaries?
A growing tendency that sports stars,along with entertainers, are becoming multibillionaires and therefore coming into public focus has triggered a bitter debate. Different people fiercely criticize this phenomenon for a variety of reasons. Personally, I am of the opinion that sports stars are justifiably coming into the spotlight and earning money.
On the one hand, tremendous financial rewards to athletes is the inevitable outcome of the fundamental progress we’ve made during the past half century. The Olympic Games havebeen one of the most important sporting events in the world. Unavoidably, the gold medal-winner is admired by audiences, both in the bleachers and in front of TV. Commercial sponsorship, which finances the sport, make the athletes look sensational It’s exactly like what happened in the entertainment circle. Blockbusters make huge profit for the producers, at the same time they make some actors and actresses famous overnight. Titanic, a typical blockbuster and tearjerker, was a case in point.
On the other hand, the new trend stimulates and accelerates the advance of the sports and entertainment businesses. Gold league athletics, for example, provides surprisingly high prizes of 24K gold for the championships, which significantly contributes to the continuous world record making and appeals sufficiently to many spectators to come to the stadiums. Becoming a prominent sports star and a legendary athlete is a dream for millions of children, moreover, increased facilities for sport have been offered and conditions greatly improved. More and more people are enjoying the benefits of physical exercise, merely because more funds were invested into the field of sports, which has been one of the most profitable industries. We may expect that the same happened in the circle of entertainment, which, in fact is the case.
We needn’t worry about those sports stars and entertainers attracting too much attention and earning too much money, for they are the very people who make us feel relaxed and entertained. This still needs more editing to flow in proper English, but I am trying to keep it to around 10%.
满分要素剖析
一、语言表达
1、We may expect that the same happened in the circle of entertainment, which, in fact is the case.本句话写的非常优美，而且句式中有插入词，比较多变。这句话还是全段的一个总结句。所以这句话美在外表和内容，都很值得我们借鉴。
2、On the one hand, tremendous financial rewards to athletes is the inevitable outcome of the fundamental progress we’ve made during the past half century.本句话比较长，on the one hand很好的承接上文引出下文，后面的句子写出了运动员薪水的发展。句子形式比较饱满。
3、A growing tendency that sports stars, along with entertainers, are becoming multibillionaires and therefore coming into public focus has triggered a bitter debate. 本句话有两个用词亮点，第一个是a growing tendency that…这个词组很好的引出了后面的趋势变化。第二个好词组是trigger a bitter debate，这个意思就是引出了激烈的讨论。
二、逻辑结构：
本文属于总分总的结构，也属于正正的结构，非常经典。两个段落都写了在运动员得高薪的好处。文章使用了非常多的举例手法，写了很多运动员的事情，进行了详细的分析。这样的论证手法使得文章充分饱满，论证说理有说服力。
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