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案例 Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.(5-3)...
同学习作第一段：Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. 错误简单句There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. 错误复杂句There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.
第二段：To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? 疑问衔接诡异They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to student’s house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. 表意不清。讨论竞争
第三段：Furthermore, during the vacations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work.构词问题 If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high-school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students’ level of studies 标点问题generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges. Children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.讨论竞争
第四段：On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don’t help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them then, why are there companies for many people to work in? 表意不清，过度展开each of them are clever, however, 标点问题there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To cooperate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher. 讨论竞争+合作
第五段：In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to cooperate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. Therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on cooperation, not compete and ranking them.复杂句错误
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